The waiting is over. After raving about Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher and promising a review “soon”, that time has arrived. This is my new bible and possibly a book that I should read every year so I never forget who I am and what matters the most to me. I can’t promise you you’ll have a great connection with this book like I do, because in the realm of self-help books, everything is very subjective. However, I can share why I love it. And perhaps you’ll find there is something more to the endless list of hobbies you have than you might think.
Title: Refuse to Choose: Use all of your interests, passions, and hobbies to create the life and career of your dreams Author: Barbara Sher Publication year: 2006 Length: 268 pages Genre: Non-fiction, Self-help, Psychology
“Are you a scanner?” Barbara starts by asking this very simple question. She gives multiple prompts to see if you can identify with this very special kind of thinker. Often indecisive, lost, scared, tired, but especially hoping for the day they’ll find The One job or career. In this book, she challenges that idea and opens the path to an inclusive vision for your life. After all, having multiple interests doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
What is a scanner?
Nowadays, they come in many different names like multipotentialite (coined by Emilie Wapnick, who also has a great TED Talk), polymath, or colloquially, the Jack-of-all-trades. Back then, they were called well-rounded, renaissance people (which is having a comeback) or even erudite. I’m probably missing many more terms since everyone agrees on a definition but not on a word for it. In this book, Barbara calls them Scanners. But have no doubt, all of these words are synonyms. But what is a scanner? As described by Barbara, a person who is genetically wired to be interested in many things and to be the owner of a remarkable and multitalented brain.
One thing I want to take out of the way right away is the talk about ADHD. In her book, Barbara mentions what might seem like a connection between the two because they can often look the same, but aren’t. She mentions meeting many scanners that have ADHD and many ADHD people that actually aren’t scanners, despite looking like they are. This isn’t about quickly losing interest in new hobbies or not being able to focus on one thing. We are in a rise of talking about having multiple interests, whether it be an answer to a chronically online life, awareness of ADHD diagnosis, or simply the obsession with productivity and wellness done to extremes. I don’t have ADHD. I’m simply extremely curious, which is why I’m a scanner.
Scanners love to read and write, to fix and invent things, to design projects and businesses, to cook and sing, and to create the perfect dinner party. (You’ll notice I didn’t use the word “or”, because Scanners don’t love to do one thing or the other; they love them all.) A Scanner might be fascinated with learning how to play bridge or bocce, but once she gets good at it, she might never play it again. […] To Scanners the world is like a big candy store full of fascinating opportunities, and all they want is to reach out and stuff their pockets.
Barbara Sher, Refuse to Choose p. 5
I realised a few years back that I have many interests. I’m a very curious person. That annoying phase children have of asking why about anything, I never grew out of it. I just learned how to go after the answers without bothering other people. Because of it, I discovered that I like so many different things. I want to learn more about astronomy. But I also love cooking, and want to learn more about food on a molecular level. Fibre arts is now a new obsession. I love miniatures and sculpting. To learn how things are created and learn new techniques. But then I also like dancing and writing and gardening… Bottom line, I enjoy a lot of things and enjoy learning about them.
Having so many interests always caused a problem of balancing everything. That’s why I read books like Deep Work by Carl Newport and why I tried the philosophies he mentions. To try finding a way to live how I want. Life is short, and we don’t have time for everything, but I still want to do it all. I can’t choose. Don’t ask me how I stumbled upon Emilie’s TED Talk, but I’m glad I did (maybe my YouTube algorithm knows me really well). From there, I was recommended another video from the channel Pattern Talent by Darya Karenski. In the video, for 50 minutes, Darya goes over this exact book, Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher. I was cleaning around the house while listening to the video, and by the end, I was searching for where I could buy it to read it for myself. Best. Decision. Ever!
Barbara is like that best friend who supports you through anything. That one friend who feels excited for what goes well in your life. That one friend we seriously all need in our lives. Whenever I opened the book, I felt inspired and uplifted. I was happy, excited, and ready to take the bull by the horns. This was actually one of the difficulties I had with this book. I would get so excited to experiment and try what Barbara was talking about, which was hard at times to sit down and continue reading the book. I wanted to go do stuff.
Truly, one of the best parts in the whole book was to see myself reflected back on the page. Once I started reading it, I immediately felt seen. This was me. This woman understood me, and I didn’t have to explain myself for her to understand what I wanted and what I felt. I was there on the page, and she was being so lovely and encouraging to help me go after what I wanted and how I wanted it, despite it being something so unique.
Through testimonies from various people she helped with her coaching, she exposes what scanners are, the different types of scanners and some of the creative solutions they had reached to feel fulfilled. The more I read, the more I could see how different lives can look. We think of a job as a 9-to-5, 5 days a week, because that’s what’s normal, what’s common, what we are used to or expect. But in the book, Barbara gives examples of various work lives that can look very strange because they exist outside of the norm. And they work perfectly. That change in perspective is also amazing to have, because we rarely see it in our day-to-day lives. Our vision can often be very limited, and it’s books like these that can broaden our horizon.
Barbara divides scanners into 9 different types: Double Agent, Sybil, Plate Spinner, Serial Specialist, Serial Master, Jack-of-all-trades, Wanderer, Sampler, and High-speed Indecisive. By her experience, no scanner fits in only one of these types, and I could relate more with some than with others, but never only to one. The most interesting way Barbara described the relationship of a scanner with their interests is with the analogy of the bee and the flower.
No one says a bee can’t make up their minds which flower they want to be involved with or accuses them of being unable to settle on their true passion. We assume that when a bee leaves a flower, it’s got a compelling reason to do so. […] whether it stays at a flower for 2 seconds or for 20 seconds, we understand it needs that amount of time to get what it came for […] When it comes to passion, I think we’d all agree that a bee seems very dedicated to its task – but it’s not passionate about any one flower; it’s passionate about gathering nectar.
Barbara Sher, Refuse to Choose p. 29
The book is really about embracing your interests and going after them. Let your curiosity loose like a kid in a candy shop. From time to time, she keeps reminding the reader, you are still an adult who needs to adult, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find creative solutions to fit your needs. After all, if you are a scanner, creativity isn’t a problem for you. But I would go even further. Why direct this book only to scanner-type people? Humans are complex, multi-layered creatures. Maybe a hidden scanner can be a thing. Society can mould us in such strong ways that it doesn’t leave room for ourselves. And even to non-scanners, this book can be a new perspective. Humans are very interesting creatures once we look past the nasty stuff (maybe I should add anthropology to my list of interests).
It also doesn’t matter if I spoil everything that’s in the book or not, or if Darya does that with her video or if anyone else talks about this book extensively. Reading it for yourself and having Barbara speak directly to you will let you take away from the book so much more than I could ever write about it in a review. Darya does a great summary of the book and the different types of scanners Barbara identifies, but knowing that beforehand didn’t make a difference in what I took from this book. So if any of this talk on multiple interests clicks with you, makes some sense to you, then go read this book. You will not regret it.
